Living by Heart's Intent: Fair to be Unfair

Just a normal cookout night with my
sometimes crazy family. :)

I’m finishing a time period of a bit of chaos in my life. For about two months, I took over a Kindergarten class for a teacher on maternity leave. I love teaching, the school is great, the teachers on my team were incredible, and my family was bursting with team work and patience (most of the time) as we took on this challenge. HOWEVER, mothering 5, while teaching 24, while attempting to survive the most challenging first trimester of pregnancy I have ever experienced…not the easiest of tasks I have faced!

Kenzie and Skylar after winning

the Cannonball Contest
at a Summer Swim Party.

Now, we are finishing up the summer which has been busy and fun and did I mention exhausting and challenging? Love our family and our lives and thankful for every day…realizing the importance of a message I have yelled from the building top for years…FIND TIME FOR YOURSELF! This is the ONLY way to have sanity and focus. (By the way, I have not obeyed myself.) You must rest and refresh your mind if you ever plan to love and treat your family with fairness! We actually bribed our eldest to watch her siblings for 2 hours the other evening so we could (hold on to your socks for the excitement) go visit with Grandma and Grandpa! LOL You can definitely recognize the moments in your life when you are craving a bit of calmness and focus.

Now ending a summer of preteenhood experiences, mom/stepmom challenges, and pregnancy (as the cherry on top), I can truly say “fairness” is an idea that has not only come out of the children’s mouths often, but has rung loud and clear in my heart this summer. The ringing has been most often in the form of guilt – my nemesis! As all siblings do, the children have had a lot of experiences together and apart this summer. They have all, at some moment, had jealousy for what someone else was getting to experience. This, of course in their mind, seems to be the epitome unfairness…If only life were more fair!

Our oldest...not always agreeing with our idea of fairness,

but still jumping in to have fun! Love you, Shelb!!

I am experiencing my 4^th pregnancy and had more nausea than any of the other 3. I have been exhausted past the point of logical comprehension at times and this never happened before! If I experienced all of this in my 1^st pregnancy, I would have had the time to care for myself better and would have expected the challenges more in this final run….If only life were more fair!

I should love all of the children equally and treat them fairly every day because this is what they deserve! However, once again, not finding my own quiet time for Spiritual renewal and being slightly hormonal (only slightly…only a little bit…not much at all – you can ask Jarrod), I have NOT woken up every day feeling the need to be equally fair to everyone. Some days I can handle the “sassy one” and some days I cannot. Some days I can handle the “sensitive one” and some days I cannot. Some days I love the “independent one” because I am not finding much of myself to give. Some days I love the “needy one” because I need to cuddle and feel more love that day, too….If only life were more fair!

Waking up to a heated debate on the Today show about whether or not it is fair to ban children from certain restaurants helped me remember what fair actually means.

Treating others fairly means you have carefully considered who you are and what you believe at a particular moment in time. You have made a decision after taking into consideration all of the parties involved and you have NOT made the decision based on what makes everyone feel happy!

I realized that fairness is yet again another life concept which should be totally based within your Heart’s Intent! Make the best decision you can with the purest of intent and trust it!! The restaurant owner is not trying to be mean and unfair to families with children. He is trying to create an atmosphere where adults can take a break for their selves, to refresh and renew without being sidetracked by unruly small children at dinner. He was also trying to send a subtle message to parents about taking a moment to consider how their children’s behavior effects not only their family, but every other person in the restaurant…just like all of our behavior always impacts those around us – even as adults! (hmmm…side note…yet another moment when we stop to realize our choices with our children actually do help to mold their choices as adults) Kudos! I’d go to that restaurant (just not on family dinner nights).

Me on the Crab Drop at Seaworld
with all of the kiddos.
A moment when we all agree that
"more" does equal "more fun"!

As for MY summer challenges, I now realize I treated them “fairly” (or did the best I could – which is all that matters) every day! I loved them equally and cared enough about their life learning experience to not spoil them to make up for their feelings of jealousy over siblings. I talked them through realizing life sometimes sucks. We feel left out and jealous, but we take a deep breath, accept those things, and turn the other direction to realize the mountain of blessings showered on us as a result of the exact same situations that caused the sucky challenges….Maybe life is fair!

Having the most challenges in this pregnancy is frustrating, but understandable. With my first, I was 12 years younger and had only myself to care for. In all reality if it were so challenging the first time – would I have ever made it to my 4^th pregnancy?? So, as much as nausea and exhaustion stink, I am thankful for them coming during the last pregnancy because I am so thankful for having 4 pregnancies in my life…Maybe life is fair!

Loving different personalities
and good cousins at Chillis!

Finally, as for waking up more partial to certain people on certain days…well, this challenge has made me realize the incredible blessing our home has with so many different personalities. It has made me realize the broad spectrum of human emotion and the importance of nurturing every part of this spectrum. Also, it has made me remember the importance of finding the time to spiritually renew yourself (especially as a mom and leader of a home) because everything in life is in need of great balance. When the scales tip too far in any direction, we are not in a proper frame of mind to make true choices of fairness from the depths of our Heart’s Intent. However, when the balance gets a little off (as my life has seemed over the last few months), we are in the best position ever for learning life lessons up close and personal!! So, although I’m finishing a time period of a bit of chaos in my life, I’m beginning a time period of great reflection to learn from all of the experiences and challenges I have been so blessed to have...Maybe life really really is fair!

Love our chaos....